How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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