Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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