you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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