Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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