He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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