i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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