I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
