The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
