she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
