I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
