Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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