i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize