I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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