smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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