I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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