Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i love accidental penises.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
