Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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