Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
pop tarts are not kleenex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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