He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
