she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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