He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
