Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
