I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Someone came in the potted fern
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
