I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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