I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
someone owes me an orgasm
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
