I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
