WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
false alarm, still single
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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