You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
