Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
