No subtext here. People are naked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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