her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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