She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
