Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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