watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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