he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
