remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
