im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
