He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
