I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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