he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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