Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
