my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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