I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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