Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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