I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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