I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
