No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
