I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
