News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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