I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
