They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
