Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
