i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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