i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
