Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
