i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
