i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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