booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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