Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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