just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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