Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
