Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
