Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have feelings that need drinking.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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