Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
being pregnant is like rehab
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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