So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
