I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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