We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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