I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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