i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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