I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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