just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
