i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
