he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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