I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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