I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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