Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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