Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize