I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
