I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
