when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
