My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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