At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize