I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
